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dance between the raindrops in a downpour

A B O U T
19. female. canada. 5'4. 74 pounds. vegan. ed-nos. hostpitalized: once. for: anorexia.

♥ my boyfriend & my biitches. coffee & cigarettes. working out & kayaking. concerts & music. shopping & spending money. books & millions of magazines. kate moss & gemma ward. the oc & fashion television. weed & alcohol. myrtle beach & toronto trips. lazer tag & go carting. going to plays & movies.

N A V I G A T I O N
[ x ] entries
[ x ] info
[ x ] friends
[ x ] calendar
[ x ] memories
L I N K S
[ x ] the fragile
[ x ] my space

[ x ] blue dragonfly
[ x ] think pages
[ x ] perfected souls
[ x ] hungry girl
[ x ] fitday
C R E D I T S
Layout by Good night Graphics.
Resources and credits are linked here.
This layout was inspired by Nocturne.
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New Journal [09 Apr 2009|01:19pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

My new journal is ohsweetinsanity.livejournal.com
Feel free to add me. It's more of a personal/recovery journal, but I thought I would let you all know that I'm back on livejournal. Maybe get back in touch with a few of you ^.^

12 comments|post comment

[01 Mar 2008|01:02pm]
[ mood | determined ]

livejournal is too triggering.
it's too much of the past.
who i WAS.

i have a life.
this isn't mine anymore.
i wish everyone the best of luck, and hope to still talk to you. email, msn, i'll even write.
i just need to get on with my life.
and i can't if i have this to fall back onto.
i don't need anything to fall back onto.. i'm going to finally get what i want.
to be myself.

10 comments|post comment

Stabilo - Flawed Design [20 Dec 2007|01:44pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]


When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self control
If I was tempted I would
Run
Then when I got older I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted when I wanted it
And I wanted it
Now I’m having trouble differentiating between what I want and what I need to make me
Happy
So instead of thinking I just act before I have a chance to contemplate the consequence of
Action

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

‘Cause I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to all the time (need to all the time)
Yeah I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design

And ever since I figured out that I could control other people
I’ve had trouble sleeping with both
Eyes closed
And if I ask permission if I make sure it’s ok I promise I won’t slip up this time you can
Trust me
But never take advice from someone who just admitted to being devious and just confessed to
Treason
And I would also never ask a question that I cannot ask myself for it might dirty up your
Conscience

Cause I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to all the time (need to all the time)
Yeah I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my (flawed design)

And how can you say those things why can’t you just believe
And how can you say those things and keep a straight face
And how can you say those things why can’t we just believe
And how can you say those things and keep a straight face

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

‘Cause I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to all the time (need to all the time)
Yeah I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my (flawed design)

‘Cause I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind (leave it all behind)
Yeah I lie
And I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design

6 comments|post comment

[01 Dec 2007|03:28pm]
[ mood | upset ]

why is it so hard?
why is there still that voice telling me to be stronger and that i am better than this and don't need food.
can you really go back to normal after being gone for so long?

 i need someone to talk to. someone to write to would be nice. i lost all my addresses and letters when i moved.

10 comments|post comment

[31 May 2007|02:38am]
[ mood | high ]

my apartment

this is where it all goes down. i know, i'm boring.

7 comments|post comment

[12 Apr 2007|12:25am]
[ mood | depressed ]

She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomache.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me

22 comments|post comment

survey [14 Jan 2007|05:49pm]
[ mood | bored ]

About You
Full NameDanielle Elizabeth Connolly
Birthdate14th november, 1987
Birth Placekingston, ontario
Current Locationkingston, ontario
Eye Color hazel
Hair Colorlight brown at the moment
Height5'4
Piercingsears, bellybutton
Tattoosnone
Boyfriend/Girlfriendit's complicated..
Favorite
Foodlettuce
Colorred, pink
Candysalt water taffy, super nibs
Number4
Animalaladdin! (my kitty)
Drinkfrench vanilla coffee, strawberry vanilla tea
Alcholic Drinkvodka, scotch
Bagelwhole wheat or blueberry i guess (but i'm allergic to wheat)
Letterd
Part of Opposite Sex's Bodyshoulders, hair, eyes
Sportsoccer, kayaking
Placemyrtle beach
Bandway too many
Personi don't know..
Actor/Actressjohnny depp!
Carlotus elise & my dad's dodge neon SRT4
Video Gameanything for super nintendo, the sims
Moviethe notebook, mean girls, pirates of the carribean
This or That
Pepsi or Cokediet pepsi
Chocolate or Vanillavanilla
Hug or Kissdepenends
Dog or Catkitty!
Summer or Wintersummer
Rap or Rockrock
Your
Bedtimewhenever my millions of sleeping pills kick in
Most Missed Memoryprobably grade 7.. those were good times
Best Psyical Featureeyes?
First Thought When You Wake Upthere's no point in getting up
Fearnever being happy, gaining weight
Have You Ever
Drank yes
Smokedi am now
Done Drugsyep
Been Drunk too many times
Been Beaten Upno
Beaten Someone Upin like grade school
Shopliftedoh yeah!
Skinny Dippedyep
Been Dumpedno
Dumped Someoneyep
In A Girl/Guy
Eye Colorgreen or blue
Hair Colordoesn't really matter
Hair Lengthmedium
Tattooseh. none
Piercingslips are pretty sexy
Does Drugsoccasionally
Drinksoccasionally
Buildtall/not too thin but not too muscular
Looks or Personalityhm..
Random Things
What Country Would You Like To Visit fiji, germany, japan, thailand, france
How Do You Want To Diei don't really know
Been To The Mall Latelyyep! bought 2 sweaters a a kiddie store hehe :)
Do You Like Thunderstormsyeah
How Many Cds DO You Ownjust because i'm bored.. i'm going to count.. 227
What Kind Of Music Do You Likeemo, electro, techno, death metal..
Do You Get Along With Your Parentsyeah
Do you Smoketoo much
Do you Drinkyep
Are You A Health Freakyeah
Do You Think Youre Attractiveno
Belive In Yourselfno
Where Do You See Yourself In 2 Yearsi have no idea
5 Years*shrugs*
Do you Shower Daily most of the time
Have You Ever Been In Loveyeah
Do You Singonly when i'm alone
Do You Want To Get Marriedyeah
Do You Want To Have Kidsmaybe
Did You Ever Have A Crushwho hasn't?
Have You Ever Kissed The Same Sexyep
Talk Alotif i'm in a good mood
Play Sportsnot anymore

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
26 comments|post comment

OMFG! FIRST POST FROM FIRST APARTMENT!!! [04 Aug 2006|05:11pm]
[ mood | excited ]

OMFG.
I MOVED ALL MY STUFF ON WEDNESDAY.
JUST GOT THE NET SET UP TODAY.
BUT OMFG I'VE GOT MY OWN APARTMENT.
& IT'S COMING TOGETHER SO NICELY ALREADY.
I EVEN JUST GOT A NEW FUCKING TV BECAUSE MY PARENTS DIDN'T WANT TO CARRY MY OLD FLOOR TV DOWN FROM THE THIRD FLOOR.
HOLY SHIT.
THIS IS ALL JUST SINKING IN NOW.
& it's fucking SWEET!!!!!

46 comments|post comment

gone for 2 weeks [10 Mar 2006|02:40am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

thursday:

food
lettuce - 60 cals
zucchini - 40 cals
mushrooms - 51 cals
celery - 8 cals
cherry tomatoes - 7 cals
total: 167 calories

exercise
treadmill - 30 minutes
stairmaster - 1 hour
lower body - 30 minutes
total: -750 cals

that's my highest intake this week. i feel like such a failure.
i probably won't eat much, if anything tomorrow. i'm spending the day in the car driving up to south carolina for march break, so hopefully i'll sleep the whole time.

i'll be gone for two weeks but i'll update when i get back!
PLEASE DON'T DELETE ME!

& thanks everyone for making me feel a lot less stressed out about going on vacation.

61 comments|post comment

tuesday: food/exercise [08 Mar 2006|04:58am]
[ mood | tired ]

tuesday:

food
lettuce - 60 cals
zucchini - 40 cals
mushrooms - 33 cals
celery - 14 cals
total: 146 calories

exercise
treadmill - 30 minutes
stairmaster - 1 hour
lower body - 36 minutes
total: -762 cals

i'm leaving for myrtle beach on friday for two weeks. i should be looking foreward to it, but all i can think about is how i won't be able to weigh myself for two weeks or exercise this much. i'm so scared. they do have a mini-gym where i'm staying but i won't be able to exercise as much as i have been AND i'll be in the car all friday and half of saturday so i won't be getting ANY exercise at all. i'm almost dreading the trip. i guess i'll try to do 30 minutes of cardio in the morning and 30 at night.. but what if i can't? i just don't know what to do..

15 comments|post comment

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